I’m looking around me, and it’s time I got the attention I deserve.
You know what I’m talking about. All the great humorists have a catch.
How is this entertaining?
Eddie Murphy has the laugh
Gilbert Gottfried has the voice
Woody Allen has the neurosis
Lisa Lampanelli has the racial slurs
There was that guy who smashed all the fruit with a sledgehammer (post-Google: That guy = Gallagher). He has a sledgehammer.
Adam Sandler has Rob Schneider (which is probably why his career has tanked)
Anyway, I’ve analyzed this predicament nine ways to Sunday, and I’m screwed. All the good stuff is taken. Bigotry, rage, sarcasm, elitism, anxiety, and plain old stupidity. Git ‘er done. It’s all taken.
Nope. Still not even remotely funny.
And that is why I’ve decided that I need to think outside of the box with respect to my gimmick. So how’s this: If you leave a comment and subscribe to this feed, I will give you a free haircut.
Where will this haircut take place?
I have no idea.
When will this haircut take place?
See above.
Am I a trained hairstylist?
No.
Will the haircut be good?
No.
Will you look worse than if you cut your own hair?
Yes.
Will you look worse than if your hair was cut by a toddler using left-handed safety scissors in his right hand?
Probably.
But will it be free?
Oh yes.